In teaching the class “Power and Negotiation” one of my first shocking statements to students is that one way to get a bad grade is to use the four letter F-word.” Since the class is at Houston Baptist University, the looks from the students is bewildering and amusing. The students are then told that the F-word we are speaking about is the word “fair”.
Fair has a number of dictionary definitions but to most people, “fair” means getting their way. We most often hear the word used when someone has been denied something they want and the typical statement is “It’s not fair”. Children say this when they perceive that a sibling is getting something that they are not or adults say this when they are disappointed with some outcome.
Perceived disparate treatment by employers often elicits the ‘unfairness” response by employees who do not understand management decisions. Organized labor often mentions the issue of “fairness” in labor negotiations but in this context, it usually means that they want all employees treated the same. The problem with this type of fairness is that it means that the employee is constrained to potential mediocrity by the same rules that management must abide. Individualism is traded for a promise of equal treatment.
It is far more persuasive to abandon the F-word, with one exception, and that is when you have no other argument. The other party is far more influenced favorably in your direction when you explain why a course of action inures to their benefit, and to yours. The words fair, fairness and unfair have been so trivialized by being associated with the desires of self serving people that they should be totally avoided.
When resolving human resources and labor disputes we often hear from employees that they wish to be “treated fairly and with dignity and respect.” Our usual response is to ask the party to please define the words; fairly, dignity and respect. Defining the problem and active listening result in many complaints resolved when the aggrieved person has to articulate the problem and deal with personal introspection.
Rid your vocabulary of the F-word and observe how much more successfully you will deal with all areas of life.
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